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“Sometimes they do.” “What would happen if they caught you? ” “Yes, they do, ma’am,” says the driver, braking so he can talk. “Kony 2012,” the Invisible Children video exposing the abuses of Joseph Kony’s rebel army, was all over the Internet. Signs of a place where daily life is distant from the wars and issues and debate. And of course, they will see you.” At my first stop outside Kampala, there are still more messages on signs.

A rhino named Hasani hooked his camera with his horn. Their alleged functions include raising libido, increasing sexual fluids, improving sperm count and elongating genitals. My first stop is at a shop dealing in women’s underwear at E-plaza in Arua Park in the centre of Kampala.There is no sign from outside that they sell these items, but once inside, you see them safely kept in a glass locker. “Do not ignore our view,” says the porter who’s dragging my bag over pebbles and mud. Ahead is a group of warthogs, their forelegs bent, pulling grass — chuff, chuff, chuff — too focused to care about my approach. It’s a set of terraces, decks and plate-glass windows looking out at rapids along the Nile. CNN Go picked it for the world’s top “Gyms With a View.” But when I see my tent, which is near the banks of the river, I realize: I do not need a treadmill. I start exploring at once, picking my way down grassy, reedy banks.

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